lunawinchesterat221tardis:

mxdisonwxtkins:

vann-haal:

beben-eleben:

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
She responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

well this took an unexpected turn

this is interesting .

PLOT TWIST

trustedwings:

rev0lutionary-sleeper:

What

Wat

(Source: ikantenggelem, via i-milked-goats-before-i)

opentheairforfreshwindows:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

spaghetti

ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli

(Source: sofunnyimcryan, via screamingwithgoats)

tired-and-uninspireddddd:

King Park-La Dispute♡

I hate that feeling when you’re not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty and every little thing gets to you and everyone that talks to you makes you angry and you want to punch everyone in the face

(via jesusisadolphin)

Bad news: work early in the morning
Good news: I met Joyce manor

I’m so exhausted. I felt so tired and sleepy all day. I can not sleep though.

I also need to stop spending so much money on other people.

😊#vinyl #joycemanor #amoebahollywood #amoeba

(Source: ninadobrevs, via meqabitch)

These kids who stop by my job continuously take pictures and stand by the window and knock until I turn around. Its getting so annoying.

indagoho:

FINALLY A CARTOON GOT IT RIGHT

panicatthesocialgathering:

if you don’t think brendon urie fully deserved his best vocalist award after that wonderful frank sinatra performance let me fly you to the moon and fucking leave you there

(via babbbibean)

carapherxelia:

Pierce The Veil - Yeah Boy and Doll Face [video credit]